A bit dramatic? Well, to consider yourself a proper Attention Whore, one must have a flair for drama. I can absolve myself of any responsibility for my own feeling of self worth and put that on You good people. BUT only look at me when I'm doing something worthy of highest praise. You are not allowed to see flaws, or even that which is merely unremarkable.
Pay no attention to that bourgeois woman behind the curtain, working frantically to keep up appearances! I have built a wall which retains the insecurities of a lifetime! Your approval is my mortar, and my good intentions to get you to like me are my bricks! I will not accept insincere “butt kissing” on your part, but it is for YOUR welfare that I must work harder to be dishonest with you, and omit my weaknesses in order to maintain the projected image we have built together and you have come to so highly esteem!(Sigh) Isn't it funny when we scream for people to recognize our triumphs, they unavoidably also notice when we fall flat on our faces.
And now that I have fallen, I can have compassion for those whose personality cults I have been a member of, who were eventually exposed as being disappointingly human. I recognize my own responsibility in helping build their wall of illusion. I thought that if I could just maximize my strengths and minimize my weaknesses, I could be LIKE them, or, as my competitive nature insists, be BETTER than them- more successful, more respected, more loved.
Maybe if we accept the fact that everyone has issues, there wouldn't be so much pressure to look like we don't. How many situations have we created where the livelihood of others depend on the success of an individual Personality? I mean, how would it be if an active politician showed up at an AA meeting? They would likely lose their job, and so would all the people who work for them, because we can't have that representing us! How many lives would be different if ministers could seek help for sexual issues long before they become big problems? If they admitted they had an issue, it would hurt the success of the ministry they are such an essential part of (like, GOD can't be real if you aren't perfect!). We want a diet guru who can identify with our food addiction, but they had better not struggle with it and get fat again! Athletes must be continually superhuman. And if they succumb to the temptation that if they just take this little injection, no matter how harmful, everybody keeps making money, and are later crucified for it when someone finds out. Entertainers have to have the fountain of youth, but when they obviously start to need plastic surgery for their plastic surgery, they become the standard late night talk show monologue joke.
We build our idols and tear them down one after another in search of one who is worthy of us, one we can be worthy of besting.
Attention Whores mistake their own definition of success for significance in this world. We need to understand, that twisted definition we have of “success” isn't real. It may seem to look like it's working for us in the short term. We may also think that 5 minutes of that illusion is better than a lifetime of 'ordinary', but once we think we've tasted that definition of success we are always hungry for more, and we'll do what we think we have to to feed that hunger.
But, we will NEVER be able keep that up. It sucks when they find out we're really just a person, and not a Grand and Formidable wizard(again I Sigh). But, I suppose, it's also pretty cool when the wall comes crashing down, and you are completely exposed and raw, that there are some who will stick around- not many, but some- who see the ugly, but can still see the good stuff too, and they still like you. They may even help dust you off and stand up. It turns out that if I had been honest about my struggles along the way we could have helped each other, and truly connected in a way only imperfect people can.
