Friday, July 15, 2011

Post- Potter Depression


Well......I guess that's it. It's not really an “empty” feeling- just a final one. I suppose when the book series ended, I still had the films to look forward to, the interpretation of which to speculate and scrutinize upon. Now, it truly is a closed book. There's nothing new to discover. No new perspectives to be gained. How ridiculous to grieve a fictional world, but grief, like a lump of wet concrete is what is sitting in my stomach (along with half digested popcorn kernels). But with this type of grief, there's no element of hope or a “better place”. It's like when the road comes to the end and there's nowhere else to go- just a big blank wall in front of you.
Is this a taste of how it feels for people who don't believe in an afterlife? You come to the end and there's not even a dark chasm to stare into? Just “Nothing”? THAT IS SAD.
I know it sounds like I'm taking Harry Potter WAY too seriously, or death WAY too lightly, and to those who find offense at the comparison, I am truly sorry (however, if you know me, I'm sure you just assume the former). But, truthfully, I really could never even conceive of the concept of “the end” before, and I'm starting to understand it just a little bit. I never fully appreciated what vastly different experiences death is for people without Hope.
My husband's mother passed away a couple weeks ago. We are going through our stages of denial, anger, sadness....etc...But our brand of grief has never been for an “ending”, but for a different sort of “continuing”. We don't grieve for her. We grieve for US. We are the ones who have to make the adjustments to a life where she is now physically absent; where I get a pang when I can't get the right amount of cinnamon in the coffee grounds the way she did, so we could sit in the breakfast nook at her round table and just chat and sip our yummy coffee. But I have never had to consider her “gone”. She has passed out of the phase of being from having to trust God for the answers into knowing His answers were always there; from having to overcome doubts and make the choice to rest in Hope, to today basking in knowledge, satisfaction, and the completion of being in the Presence of Her Lord.
As a recipient of her love, I truly feel a sprinkling of that excess joy her spirit is now saturated with. A joy in knowing she is not limited to our memories of her, but is currently thriving. A joy that my body can not contain, so I HAVE to cry in order to let it flow, because if I don't, if I just “stuff it”, it will cease to be joy. Joy must be active and growing. Joy that is choked and cut off will become bitterness, and bitterness will ERODE what Hope we do have. How people live without Hope or experiencing the fullness of God's love for us I just don't know. I suppose it explains a lot about the current condition of humanity.
So, I am left with the words of Albus Dumbledore, “Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love.” Who would have ever guessed that living with Harry Potter for the last decade or so would have increased my compassion and for Lost people? I guess my question now is : What is my responsibility to inspire those people to experience Hope, accept Love, and license joy in their lives? And by what vehicle can I most effectively put that into practice? Well, if I need ideas, I suppose I'll have to ride more trains. As Harry Potter AND Micky Mouse were both “born” on Railway Journeys, it may be a place to start. And I have to fill that little space that has until now been reserved for “The Boy Who Lived” with gratitude, Blessed Assurance, and and increased capacity to love others.