Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Dragon Sized Goals

“Fairy tales do not teach children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales teach children the dragons can be destroyed.” G. K. Chesterton


I have been thinking about the concept of Goal Setting lately. I guess it's just what happens when the end of your “early to mid” 30's are but a few short weeks away. I have NEVER been a real goal setter. I HATE lists. I'm great at making them, just not so good at following them (or actually making it from the house to the car and then the car to the store with them at all).
I suppose I have been successful at setting and meeting short term goals: I plan to have had a shower in the next 30 minutes; Dinner will be cooked at some point this evening; I will verify the toilet rim is clean before my guests arrive.
I tend to function more whimsically: I'm going to clean out ALL the closets Right Now!; What a nice paint color on that TV show. I'm going to to Home Depot so I can paint the kitchen today; Let's get ALL 500 pictures from the past two years developed so I can scrap book this afternoon.
But the term “easy come, easy goes” definitely applies when you do things that way. Then it's three in the morning and I'm surrounded in a sea of pictures, paper, and glue sticks when I get bored or tired, so I shove all the stuff in a box for another six months to a year until I get that wild hair again.
There's a lot of risk in sitting down and saying “THIS is my goal”; like, “I will have met my goal if I weigh 130lbs by such and such date(yeah, right)”, “ I will have met my goal if have such and such education by a certain age”; “ I will have met my goal if I have the perfect job in my preferred industry in five years”.
But, because God loves the stupid and blesses the unworthy, I have been the recipient of a life full of all things good and beautiful without really setting or fulfilling any sort of long term goals. If I knew me, I'd sorta hate me. It may appear from the outside as though I haven't had to work toward anything- I fall ass-backward into blessings and I don't think you'd be wrong. I guess that I've been lucky by NOT setting goals so far. I figure, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.(Does that sound really braggy? Because I'm really trying to communicate grateful and undeserving, but it may sound braggy....I hope it doesn't.... Sorry). I am blessed -NO question. I am content......or am I really just complacent?
As a child, I was QUITE the daydreamer. I romanticized EVERYHTING. I was the Micheal Scott of Eaton Elementary. We would have planned a trip to Disney or someplace and I had already imagined the entire experience in my head, and was disappointed when things didn't go according to fantasy. Not that the experience was BAD in any way- just not like I had imagined it. And what could ever live up to the unrealistic expectations of an 8 year old Dreamer? Just because I could control the Barbie World in my bedroom floor I thought I could control everything else.
Then, I think there was a time in my youth when life was so unstable that “rolling with the punches” just became my natural response to anything. I began to get tired of the disappointment. And instead of being realistic, I went to the other extreme and thought “If I don't want or hope for anything, then I won't be disappointed”. So when “Oh my goodness- they gave me a part in the school play” or “wow, they gave me a spot in whatever singing group” happened, I was totally blown away and grateful. But, as a teenager, I had to look cool and act like it was “No biggie” because I was afraid that somehow if I put out there how happy I was, it would be taken away from me. When in reality, I was FLOORED at being given the opportunities.
When it comes to the unpleasant things in life, I have abandoned the “it won't happen to me attitude”, and adopt the “yes, it very well MAY happen to me, and I'll walk that line between Faith and Denial if it does and get through it”. When it comes to the cool stuff....I can just say “WOW”.- and I no longer feel the need to feign the “no biggie” attitude. I am okay with being all nerdy and excited about things now. No one can take away my happiness. I can only give it away. Which is really neat, but I think there may be also something cool to say, THIS is what I want to accomplish, be focused on it and reap, not only the blessing of what you have worked for, but also the satisfaction of taking on a challenge and succeeding. (I know all of you are going “Yeah. So?” but this is a new concept for me so cut me some slack).
The real reason I don't set goals is I assume failure. Assuming Failure is easy. It requires no risk, emotional or otherwise. Setting and working toward a goal requires action and often sacrifice without the guarantee of success- no matter how hard you work or how “good” you think may be at something. Often in order to achieve something you have to deal with people or obstacles you have no control over. (Hello, Excuses! Come sit by me!)
Or just maybe I have this goal setting thing all wrong. Perhaps it's not the “goal” I'm afraid of, but what the goal says to me about feeling validation. “I will be VALID when I weigh 130 lbs”; “I will be VALID when I have such and such education by a certain age”; “I will be VALID if I have the perfect job in my preferred industry in five years”. If actually set the goal, when I fail, I have to recognize that I am not valid. I'm happy now. Why rock the boat?
My favorite movie of ALL time is Sleeping Beauty. As a kid, I wanted to be Briar Rose- beautiful and more than she believed herself to be, and waiting for Once Upon a Dream. As I got older, I wanted to be Maleficent- in control, powerful and Dangerous (I do so LOVE Maleficent). I think now, I need to work on my inner Prince Phillip- work toward “the goal” (did I actually commit that to writing) of slaying the dragons of insecurity, fear, and excuses. Recognizing at the same time I'm going to need a little help from some fairies and a magic sword along the way.



Thanks to Jhon- my Dancing Nietzsche- for the Chesterton quote

1 comments:

Beth said...

Kim, you're quite the colorful writer! I'm glad I found your spot on the web! I also like the name of you blog. So creative!!

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